It’s exhausting to constantly evaluate your femininity

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When I was younger, I spent a lot of time avoiding femininity because I felt like I wouldn’t be taken as seriously. I knew that I didn’t love pink and didn’t like to dance or do my hair. My understanding of what it meant to be a girl became so narrow that I doubled down and avoided anything that could make me seem feminine.

I stopped wearing dresses, wore lacrosse shorts daily and learned everything I could about the New England Patriots’ roster. I spent so much time and energy trying not to be “girly.”

Confronting these stereotypes doesn’t just create an internal battle, but also deepens comparison culture. For cisgender and transgender women alike, questions of “who is the girliest” versus “who is the tomboy” simply represent patriarchal constructions of identity that become passive-aggressive attempts to find validation in who we’re trying to be. Women end up spending more time worrying about if they’re doing a good enough job of acting like they hate pink and dresses, that they become consumed in convincing others of this personality performance.

Now, I’m much more comfortable with the middle ground and I try to break myself out of the binary. I’ve found empowerment in wearing heels, even when it made me taller than some men. I’ve embraced my love for both Taylor Swift and football. But even with this confidence, being a sports fan is still a part of my life that makes me feel self-conscious.

When it comes to sports, these stereotypes become especially apparent. As a female sports fan, I have noticed how it impacts the way I present myself.

No matter how often I read ESPN, receive Bleacher Report notifications or compete in fantasy football, it never feels like enough. No matter how much information I retain, I am always worried it isn’t enough to participate in conversations with guys.

Stereotypes rattle around in my head, making me worried about being a “pick-me girl” or not knowing as much as I think I do.

Men are expected to be sports fans but are also allowed to be casual ones. If they “get something wrong,” it doesn’t matter because they are included in conversations daily. For women, you have to know everything or you are assumed to not know anything. Even if you do know everything, it is deemed especially “impressive” or is just seen as a way to appeal to men.

There is a joke that guys say “Name five players” to a girl who claims to be a part of a fan base, but it is all too real. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve been given this prompt, I could make a lot of money on FanDuel. In many ways, it feels like you can’t win. I enjoy watching the NFL every week, most Celtics games and occasional Bruins games. I shouldn’t have to know the entire roster and every record ever set to be considered a “real fan.”

These stereotypes may seem harmless to many, but they continue to put women down. Being passed over for an opinion on the MVP race isn’t a big deal, but the laughs or shocked faces when I know what I’m talking about quickly become frustrating. It alienates women from wanting to enter these spaces of discussion and often makes them feel embarrassed.

But it isn’t just about sports. Society continually puts pressure on women to act a certain way, and regardless of how archaic these stereotypes seem, they continue to make women feel out of place.

I often avoid showing emotion because I am worried about being associated with the negative stereotype of an overly emotional and dramatic woman. My friends joke about how I can be harsh or too logical, but it’s because I become so self-conscious. I worry about my reactions and feelings because I don’t want to be seen as weak.

Still, these stereotypes suppress women and impact how they view themselves. We lose confidence in our ability to be complex human beings, trying to find one single identity. Stop acting surprised when a woman in your life knows sports, don’t tell her you’re “impressed.” You wouldn’t say that to your male buddy, because for them it’s expected. These little comments not only make women angry, but also self-conscious.

When we are labeled as the outlier, it automatically puts women under a magnifying glass. When I am talking about sports, I am constantly being tested. This pressure leads to women staying quiet, removing themselves from the conversation and continuing the cycle of their exclusion.

Emilie (Lily) Newman is a junior Political Science and Magazine, News and Digital Journalism major. Her column appears biweekly. She can be reached at [email protected].